I’m scared.
I’m scared to see your face again.
I fear falling even more deeply in love with you, when I’m trying so hard to leave you behind.
I’ve been sober from you for about a year now.
Yet you still linger in my mind.
I’m an addict.
I’m addicted to your cruel love.
I’m addicted to your neglect and your harmful ways.
I want to get you out of my head, but at the same time, you’re all I want to think about.
I’m addicted to your smell,
to your touch, to your crooked smile, and your jealous green eyes.
I’m addicted to the way you crinkle your nose when you laugh, and the way you can’t breathe when I run my fingers down your back.
I’m addicted to the unfocused gaze in your eyes when you listen to music, to the creases on your hands and the lines on your lips.
No matter how many times I go to rehab, my heart is hooked.
I’m addicted.
And it scares me.
Because I know that when I see your face again, I’ll relapse, letting myself fall for you even more.
The doctors can’t help me.
I’m intoxicated by you.
Poisoned by your love.
except this poison, keeps me barely alive, begging for more.
Wanting you to kill me so I can finally be free.
And be an addict no more.